I cant remember a day where I’ve felt energized, where I’ve felt the energy to do something. Most days I want to stay in bed and do nothing. There is no energy or desire to do anything other then stay in bed. This is due to my Persistent Depressive Disorder or Dysthymia.

Many of you might call this laziness, or loss of motivation. But this is not the case when you are chronically depressed. You want to do things, to make something, to learn something, or to even meet with friends.

But you can’t.

Your stuck.

You hope things will change, but when traumas come up or awful times come you begin to spiral into a major depressive episode. This is not every one with persistent depressive disorder, but happens to a lot of people.

When these episodes appear, it can be so hard to concentrate, work, wake up, or even be hygienic. I’ve struggled with this stuff for years without even knowing it and I know there are other people who are unsure and are living with it at this moment.

But, you are not alone.

There are days where you defiantly will feel like you are. Days where you will lie in bed, see an Instagram post with all your friends together, having fun and think to yourself I am worthless.

Your not worthless, you’re going through a hard time. There are people who do love you and you might not even notice.

Find someone you can talk to, weather it be a teacher, your spouse, a friend. There will always be help. There are free services you can turn to, or therapist who might just need insurance.

If you are in college, especially university there should be free therapy. I know how hard it can be to get through the door. I wanted to go to a therapist for a year. It took me being suicidal and self-harming at the end of the school year to get through the door.

Do not wait.

Find Help.

Once you get into the habit of self-harming or having suicidal thoughts they don’t go away right away. I still struggle with my self harming tendencies and I am now married.

When I would self-harm, I felt so ashamed that I didn’t even tell my husband I was struggling with it. I would hide the cuts and would pretend that everything was fine.

I think I did this to not upset my husband. I didn’t want him to think it was his fault. But by doing that I ended up hurting him more.

Please tell someone if you are struggling with these things, because if something happens to you, someone will be devastated.

Hello, my name is Victoria Mott, I am a newlywed who is also in college but  above all else, I am a disciple in Christ. Being an ambassador to Christ is my most important occupation. I made this blog to talk about my experiences with mental health, people-pleasing, and abuse. I am not writing this blog to not complain about these experiences, but to look in the word and see how we can grow and heal. I know I definitely need to write it out.

I hope whoever stumbles onto this page can get something out of it too. If you are looking for a church, but don’t know where to find one then you can click on the link down below. We have churches all around the world and are a bible-based church. I know it can change your life just as it changed mine. Though your journey will not always be happy, it’s joyous when you know God’s love for you and the sacrifice he made.

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